i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
