just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
