Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
