WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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