I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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