Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
