So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What a dumb baby whore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
