dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
