i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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