I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
