I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
