I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
