My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
