I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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