I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
