i just google imaged poop.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
