I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
