i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
