holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did i walk over a car last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
