We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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