You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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