I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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