What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
