The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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