It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
