i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
