I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
