windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
