Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
