apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
