u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
