so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
