JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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