im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
