I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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