i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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