I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize