nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
