Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
