Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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