these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
