i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
