he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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