At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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