he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
