using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
