Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I could fuck to npr.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
false alarm, still single
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