how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
