Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
