We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
