We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
