This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
