I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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