I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
