yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
