Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
