I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
