last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
