I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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