The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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