Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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