I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
