I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
