the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
