So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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