He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
