yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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