Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I will pee on everything he values.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
