my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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