We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
