First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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