maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
