Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
