"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
pop tarts are not kleenex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
