We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
