I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
