like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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