brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
