I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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