I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
